Welcome! There are 101 stories in the system. Please select a story to view: Login / Request an account Story Title Creator Status Num Entries Date Finished 103   Zombie Attack! greg Done 22 2010-06-10     They ate too many brains which caused them to jump up and down and sing Yankee Doodle. We weren't expecting that... 102   The Art of Decluttering betty Done 21 2009-08-04     Zombies had invaded and were eating people's brains and throwing newspapers helter skelter down from the attic! 101   The hathood of the traveling brown hat. rhonda Done 21 2009-03-20     They would never suspect that the next place I put the hat would be like crushing prunes into stewed okra. 100   The Nephews come to Visit greg Done 22 2008-12-09     Maybe one day they'll learn to stop fighting over who got to choose the ice cream flavor. Well we finally settled on Swirled Tempest of Flaming Death... 98   Abiathar the Superhero! greg Done 21 2007-04-27     Abiathar needs Artorios's help! So Abiathar asked him to pass the potatoes. 97   My New Video Game! betty Done 21 2007-03-13     I jumped off the building right into the middle of 5 contaminated thugs who began pummeling the Playstation in frustration. 96   Fixing up my Garden greg Done 22 2007-01-29     I yelled, "Hey you kids! Get out of my flowers!" But they were eating all the leaves off my periwinkles. 95   Rearranging My New Tech Room betty Done 22 2007-01-31     Those two cats shed so much that every day I need to load Oblivion and do some more killin'. 94   Speeding Down the Highway betty Done 21 2006-12-04     He tried pumping the brakes again to see if they really could go 120 mph. 93   Having Surgery greg Done 20 2006-12-01     We gave him two strawberry Twinkies which worked remarkably well, considering that he was dangerously close to defaulting on his car loan. 92   Accountant at Work greg Done 21 2006-04-01     Did you know that poor-quality windows could cost you a bundle in heating bills? That's why I always read the Dilbert cartoon as soon as I get to work. 91   What I Saw When I Took a Walk betty Done 21 2006-03-31     I thought my throat would explode, when suddenly out of a ditch slithered a gigantic, slobbering, museum-class specimen of a loogie. 90   Learning a Foreign Language greg Done 22 2006-02-04     When they say Cinqo de Mayo they don't mean, "Drop the mayonnaise"; what they really mean is, "Show me your passport." 89   Putting out Christmas Lights betty Done 21 2006-02-03     99 bottles of beer! They must be coming from Mars! We're being invaded on Christmas! 88   Lazor Beam Hydra greg Done 22 2005-12-16      He pushed the button of the vending machine expecting a deli sandwich, but instead, down the chute came a grenade! 87   Concert at Chrysler Hall betty Done 21 2005-12-14     The maestro heading down the center aisle was Hulk Hogan! 86   Touring Europe bonnie Done 21 2005-12-13     For dessert I asked for English Trifle, a scrumptious dessert of whipped cream, fresh fruit, and sponge cake soaked with nervous sweat. 85   Christmas Shopping betty Done 22 2005-12-01     "I want paper not plastic! You stupidhead!" He stomped his feet and then he yelled, "God bless us, every one!" 84   Working at McDonald's greg Done 21 2005-12-01     Reluctantly, I placed the tomato heels and limp lettuce on each one of the cash registers. 83   Trip to the Pumpkin Patch sherry Done 22 2005-11-07     Boy, it stank, but the flames reached to pick up a jar of homemade apple butter! 82   test2 greg Done 22 2005-11-03     I think you should take a break now in order to crush those who oppose us. 81   Going Into Space II greg Done 21 2005-10-28     Secure your seatbelt and your helmet and make sure the main power switch is turned to cheese. 80   Taking Computer Class betty Done 20 2005-10-27     Believe me, your brain will start to eat up all your system resources. 79   Cooking Show II greg Done 21 2005-09-27     "I know these eggs are fresh! Break this one open and you will see why you should never cook with Spam on television." (laugh track) 78   Potty Training the Twins betty Done 21 2005-09-24     You know eating prunes will always cause them to cooperate because they want to buy combat boots. 77   Noisy Neighbors bonnie Done 21 2005-09-23     The scintillating tones of Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven drifted with all their smokey offensive odor toward my patio! 76   Driving Across Country betty Done 22 2005-09-16     I opened the window to breathe some fresh air, but all I could smell was bacon and coffee. 75   NASCAR Days greg Done 21 2005-09-09     Suddenly, my nose started bleeding, and to wipe it, all I had was a sunburn and a hangover. 74   Conserving Water bonnie Done 22 2005-09-09     Three days later, we were so thirsty our tongues were sticking to the plan. This is great news! 73   The Best Diet Ever! sherry Done 21 2005-08-31     This diet was going to make me look like Britney Spears... well, at least like her Dad. 72   What a Yard Sale! betty Done 20 2005-08-23     I am so limber I bet I could put my foot under my bra. 71   Test Pilot greg Done 21 2005-08-17     Moo-ha ha! One more flyover and I will punch in the control panel, because obviously it's not doing any good! 70   A Day in the Life of a Dork sherry Done 21 2005-08-14     Your nose is too much to resist. This is why I never go into CompUSA unsupervised. 69   Time for a Checkup! bonnie Done 21 2005-08-03     Scratching the rash had left me with less than $5 in my pocket. 68   Building My New Cat Condo betty Done 21 2005-07-10     To take pictures of the project from start to finish, I bought a disposable cardboard toilet paper roll. 67   Putting Up Wallpaper greg Done 21 2005-06-12     I went back downstairs and fixed myself a meatball lunch pocket. It was so good, I licked it again. 66   My Newest Home Improvement Project! betty Done 20 2005-05-17     In order to avoid the old nests of mice and rats between the walls, we decided to install a urinal in every bathroom! 65   Phone Call bonnie Done 21 2005-05-09     A simple telephone table is all that you need. It should be made out of chrome-vanadium and titanium. 64   Airline Pilot greg Done 21 2005-04-23     No time to lose; the passengers were eating up all the pretzels! 63   I'm Not In It For The... bonnie Done 21 2005-04-06     Another time I totally uppercut some guy because he opened a window. Now that's what I call a breakfast drink! 62   Hosting a Cooking Show betty Done 21 2005-04-12     It was too late, the hot cheese was dripping down onto the bottom of the oven and causing a terrible night with Nielsen's ratings. 61   Ain't It Cool? greg Done 22 2005-04-07     My underwear felt 2 sizes too small. I could never go through the whole day like this! So I headed for the rodeo. 60   Competing with Starbuck's bonnie Done 21 2005-04-02     "You have to SMILE at the customer! Make them feel welcome! Here, I'll show you." With that, she turned around and punched her in the face. 59   My First Ocean Cruise betty Done 21 2005-03-28     Just act nonchalant, find stuff fun to do, and try to avoid getting eaten by a seagull! 58   Captain Underpants greg Done 21 2005-03-23     He will surely reward me with a big wad of toilet paper stuck in my butt. 57   New Year's Resolutions! bonnie Done 21 2005-03-18     With a stern eye and haughty sniff, my personal trainer turned to pick up the equipment for the next round of cow-tipping. 56   Saturday Morning's Cartoon Marathon betty Done 21 2005-03-13     Lieutenant Leotard and his gymnastic Cadre of Doom were attacking the Mars Landing Base. 55   Spy Base Alpha greg Done 21 2005-03-08     We were too quickly running out of everything: bottled water, powdered milk, and freeze-dried corpses of agents of years past. 54   Texas Winter bonnie Done 20 2005-03-03     Great hailstones began falling from the sky. They were as big as beanbag chairs! 53   Christmas Shopping - 2004 betty Done 20 2005-02-26     How weary I felt! It was as if I had no limit on my credit cards! 52   Modeling Agency greg Done 21 2005-02-21     Show me that anorexic girl who came in a while ago. She has the look we want. She must weigh close to 350 pounds. 51   All I Need Is... bonnie Done 21 2005-02-16     Let's see... i before e except after c... unless it's "weird"... in which case jelly doughnuts will be your best bet. 50   My Summer at the Archeological Dig betty Done 21 2005-02-11     My hair was matted with mud and straw. We discovered that under the dirt was the wrapper from my Brown Mule. 49   Shopping at Lowe's greg Done 20 2005-02-06     As I quickly rounded the corner, I ran right into the forklift! 48   Anorexia Therapy bonnie Done 21 2005-02-01     To add to the great nutritional value of the yogurt, you can add chopped tuna. 47   Building My New House! betty Done 23 2005-01-27     Human filth would start roaming the streets if Kerry was elected president. That's why I needed an expert carpenter. 46   Ultimate Ninja II greg Done 21 2005-01-22     I cried "All your base are belong to us!" Then I jumped over the wall and into the swirling vortex of fear! 45   Election Day! betty Done 21 2005-01-17     The DNC rally was handing out free copies of the Communist Manifesto, which were all autographed by Snoop Doggy Dog and Jesse Jackson. 44   A Day in the Life of... bonnie Done 20 2005-01-12     He could hear the millions of soldier-ant feet marching, on the move to their next conquest ... to round up all the squirrels and ship them to Alaska. 43   High School Carwash greg Done 20 2005-01-07     We heard tires squealing as the two head honchos revved up for the race of the year. It was a chicken race of death. 42   Pushed Over the Edge bonnie Done 21 2005-01-02     Something had to be done! The doctor quickly cleaned the nostrils and inserted a peanut-butter sandwich into the VCR. 41   Cleaning Out the Garage betty Done 21 2004-12-28     It will really taste good with a piece of moldy bread! 40   HULK SMASH! greg Done 20 2004-12-23     We pressed our backs against the wall, trying to hide in the shadow of the titanic Doom-Bot. 39   Joining the PTA bonnie Done 20 2004-12-18     What do they think? That we're all a bunch of slack-jawed faggots. 38   Going to the County Fair betty Done 20 2004-12-13     I grabbed a ticket to go see the biggest cow on the planet. When I peeped through the fence at it, it looked like a NINJA! 37   News at 11 greg Done 20 2004-12-08     It was going to be a very big news day! Hurricane Bonnie had wiped out all of the office staff. 36   Investigating Vegetarianism bonnie Done 21 2004-12-03     This meal should keep the average person satisfied for thirty seconds. 35   Boppy's Trip to Texas betty Done 21 2004-11-28     We scraped it up off the road, and put it in a tortilla! 34   Dance Class bonnie Done 21 2004-11-23     "I am drowning in your face, that's where I'm putting this custard pie." (SPLAT!) 33   The Minotaur King greg Done 21 2004-11-18     Towering above me was the Minotaur King himself. I shook in my boots. I sweated pools of gravy. 32   The Bizarre Bazaar bonnie Done 20 2004-11-13     I don't have enough money. Just wait while I go over to that ATM where I can get some fresh strawberries! 31   My Trip Around the World betty Done 21 2004-11-08     Who knows? We might even end up with hemmorhoids so bad we won't even be able to sit down. 30   Downtown Precinct greg Done 22 2004-11-03     I could barely keep my lunch down. Fortunately I had 2 sets of handcuffs. 29   Growing Up on a Farm betty Done 21 2004-10-29     The bickering stopped when we heard a loud explosion coming from the outhouse. Then we realized it was just Sid fartin'. 28   The Dinosaur World bonnie Done 21 2004-10-24     But suddenly we heard a loud rushing! Coming straight toward us was a giant footprint in the mud. 27   Gardening with Betty greg Done 20 2004-10-19     With a little watering, fertilizing, and TLC, your garden will soon be overflowing with marijuana plants. 26   On the Open Road bonnie Done 21 2004-10-14     Every time I get to the bottom, I have this feeling of diarrhea running down my pants leg. 25   The International Village bonnie Done 21 2004-10-09     We were all scared. The forces of Hauptmann Gestapo were closing, and Molly was really enjoying her Chinese Chop Suey. 24   Weekend in Paris greg Done 21 2004-10-04     He will bring you a complimentary flute of champagne, bubbly and faintly smelling of sewer gas. 23   Xander Goes Shopping betty Done 22 2004-09-29     "Let's see if the robbers are still in the parking lot." We dashed out and found them sitting in a puddle of urine. 22   Fart Dictionary bonnie Done 21 2004-09-24     Your only hope is to fart again, only this time fart harder, and hopefully it'll be toxic enough to kill any witnesses. 21   Boot Camp greg Done 21 2004-09-19     "A spoiler, chromed blower, and a fire-engine red paint job!" I exclaimed, beaming. "And I just might get it, too, it's just what I need in my tent when we go camping out in the woods. 20   Good Old Pop's Drive-in betty Done 21 2004-09-14     Every other time the food had tasted fresh and good. Maybe it was because the cook turned out to be an ex-con. 19   Going Back to College betty Done 21 2004-09-09     Take the first right, the second left, up the single flight of steps, and then you will be in jail! 18   If You Give a Mouse a Cookie bonnie Done 21 2004-09-04     ...A gourmet delight, complete with linen napkin, real silverware, sparkling crystal goblets, and soft relaxing heavy metal music. 17   Our Summer Vacation betty Done 21 2004-08-30     So we hightailed it to the rest area so we could throw up. 16   Trapped in a Mine greg Done 21 2004-08-25     So he took one stick of dynamite, and he cut it into one inch pieces and used them to start a fire. 14   Our Visit to the Library bonnie Done 21 2004-08-15     I loaded all the returned books onto the library cart and wheeled them into the back room where I could sort them in peace, and put them where they belonged: in the toilet. 13   Stress Reduction Techniques bonnie Done 23 2004-08-10     After I take a nap, I always feel like killing somebody! 12   My New Job at Burger King betty Done 20 2004-08-05     Should we ask the customers to leave and go somewhere that doesn't suck? 11   Cooking with Grandma betty Done 22 2004-07-31     No one could beat the taste of right-out-of-the-oven freshly baked golden brown teenage girls. 10   Ultimate Ninja greg Done 22 2004-07-26     ...that motto was "Dance like no one's watching! I don't care what anyone thinks, real ultimate power will soon be MINE!!!" 8   Wall Street Blues greg Done 22 2004-07-16     I also want all your money. I mean ALL of it. Hand it over or I will give you a million dollars... 7   Going into Space betty Done 21 2004-07-11     These little wafers, made out of Soylent Green are so tasty, that the spaceship crew wanted to eat a whole galaxy. 5   Ye Olde Medieval Days betty Done 21 2004-07-01     First the catapult must be reloaded. So everyone got together and loaded it with sausage. 4   Barrister the Lawyer Cat betty Done 21 2004-06-26     "I'm so stressed out I can't think. I need a break." So she put down her pencil and went to hell in a handbasket. 3   The Big Conundrum betty Done 21 2004-06-21     Your strength will be like a river, rushing along pell mell with not a backward glance, gleefully heading for a sure collision with that wall! 2   Woo baby! greg Done 21 2004-06-16     "What does a girl have to do to get some service around here?!" Her manner frightened the man somewhat, so he stammered, "Woo Baby, I just wet my pants!" 1   Big Computer greg Done 18 2004-06-11     I will dump this load of manure just where it will do the most good. And the best place for that will be in the kitchen...