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Greg: Don't believe everything you see on YouTube. Dad: I believe EVERYTHING I see on YouTube.
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| 12/31/2011 | Rhonda: Everyone wants to be my toe!
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| 12/20/2011 | Greg: Can we drop my car off at BJ's? I need to get my tires rotated. Troy: Don't they rotate every time you drive?
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| 12/19/2011 | Greg: I would take a lot more risks in real life if I could reload a saved game.
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| 11/30/2011 | Russ: Aw man! I only have one mauling to my record. I need to maul more often!
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| 11/10/2011 | FB Guy: Hello. How's it going? Greg: Good. How about you? FB Guy: Are you friends with my main? Greg: No. I kicked you when semi-porn showed up on my news feed. FB Guy: You semi-kicked me?? :( :( Greg: No, I all-the-way kicked you. :)
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| 11/8/2011 | Troy: Greg, how dare you speak against individuals' personal right to expression of art by pooping on public property?
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| 11/6/2011 | Kaitlyn: [pointing at a planetary diagram] This is the earth's crust. You can't eat it.
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| 10/28/2011 | Greg: Girls read me too easily.... It's one of my weaknesses. None of my emotions are ninjas.
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| 9/26/2011 | Greg: In Hell, you poop live tarantulas.
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| 9/26/2011 | Greg: That's not an invalid error if we don't want people to not be loading a specific file. Wow, I used a quadruple negative. Are you impressed?
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| 9/7/2011 | Weldon: You must always type 'NUCLEAR REACTOR!!!' in upper case and at least three explanation points. It's not just a good idea, it's the law.
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| 6/15/2011 | John: Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle. Greg: I FREEZE IT AND MAKE A BRAIN SLUSHIE.
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| 5/10/2011 | F. John: I would go postal, but it's too much work.
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| 5/5/2011 | Dad: Hey Socrates, baby! Get a real job!
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| 3/30/2011 | Russell: I've never played a game before where going afk in a town for 5 mins can mean you come back to the town to find it's been taken over by planar creatures dancing on your corpse!
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| 1/28/2011 | Troy: Apparently you're meaner than I am. Greg: HELL YEAH!!! HULK SMASH PUNY BEING POLITE. I'm meaner than a whole passel of rattlesnakes in a dentist office at high noon! If I see a horse that's hurt and struggling, I help it across the street... on the way to the GLUE FACTORY!!! I enjoy spending time with my nephews and pointing out different insects... right before I STOMP THEM INTO THE GROUND!!!! (true story) ("them"=the insects, not my nephews)
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| 1/6/2011 | Greg: I wanted to compliment a woman on her boots, but I couldn't figure out how to say it without sounding gay. Xander: "Girl, nice boots." Greg: Yeah, but this woman was older than your mom so that would've been weird. Xander: "Old lady, nice boots."
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| 11/8/2010 | Greg: American industries could be competitive with China if we charged an import tariff on Chinese goods. Mom: Yeah! We could pay off our debt just with that! Greg: But if we said, "Hey China, we're sick of you flooding our markets with cheap crap. We're charging a 50% tariff on you." They'd say, "Fine. We want our money back." Mom: And we'd say, "What money?"
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| 10/26/2010 | Greg: I was at Cracker Barrel and tried to order Chicken and Dumplings. I say "try" because what I asked for was "Chicklin and Dumpings."
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| 8/6/2010 | Ethan: I don't know why people pay a lot of money to go to a fancy restaurant when they can just stick a fork in a head of lettuce and call it dinner.
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| 8/6/2010 | Dad: No matter how difficult the mission, remember that victory succeeds and tomorrow is always another day. Compost and baked beans help too.
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| 8/2/2010 | Greg: God has a zero ping. No exceptions. He could be logging into a Korean Starcraft lobby from an island in the Seychelles using an acoustic coupler modem over rusty barbed wire, and He'd still have a zero ping.
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| 7/1/2010 | Greg: Some insects can live up to a year without their heads. Troy: That's nothing. Liberals live for years without brains.
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| 6/30/2010 | Greg: I dreamt I was shooting you in the face with a flamethrower, and you were just laughing at me! Russell: That's because I was wearing 10 million SPF sunblock and your pants were on fire!
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| 6/29/2010 | Weldon: I am a Republican hippie. "Peace, love and WAR!!!"
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| 3/31/2010 | Greg: Rhode Island's Central Landfill is 50x larger than its largest park. Jeff: They should make the landfill a park. Greg: It worked for Mt. Trashmore! The problem is Central is a toxic waste dump. Jeff: What makes it so toxic? Greg: Yankees.
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| 3/26/2010 | Greg: I just thought of something. Since the tectonic plates are always moving, could it be that sea levels are not rising, but rather the land is falling? Troy: Interesting proposition. However, you know the sea level has to be rising because we are clubbing baby seals!
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| 3/4/2010 | Slashdot: "Youtube pulled the original 'Rickroll' video Wednesday night. Don't worry, after a lot of email about the loss of such an important piece of cultural history, Youtube put it back up, saying that they're never gonna say goodbye to the video that's had over 30 million views." Mirthscout: It's back up again, and [had] it back up again before anyone can get the story posted. ZeroSumHappiness: *Whooooshhh* ground.zero.612: SUCKERS! You just got RickRolled by Youtube! ||v||trix: How do you RickRoll this video? BlueTrin: It is safe to say that most of the people posting here have been rickrolled. 2obvious4u: Yeah, I got RickRolled by NPR this morning. Joce640K: That baby must have sucked up terabytes/min at its peak. You can probably trace global warming back to Rick Astley if you try. Nerfest: In the future, the "Astley" will become the standard unit for measuring carbon emissions from computing. eg.: I switched to DC power for our servers and saved 47 Astleys annually. elrous0: I already blame Rick Astley for pretty much everything else that's wrong with the world--might as well add that to the list.
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| 3/4/2010 | Kay: Are you growing a beard?? Greg: Uhh... no, I just forgot to shave. Kay: That's a lot of beard for one day! Greg: I forgot for a week.
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| 2/26/2010 | Weldon: I want to play a game of Risk. Greg: I'll be Nazi Man. Weldon: I'll be Heart Man: taking over the world with my love, OR THEY WILL GET THE BACK OF ME HAND!
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| 2/17/2010 | Greg: Face it, man... you need LSD to keep up with me. (In a fit of cruel irony, the guy I said this to used to be hooked on LSD)
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| 1/28/2010 | Greg: Aaaahhh! I cut myself on a blender blade and got blood on my pizza dough. I'm cooking it anyway.
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| 1/26/2010 | Greg: Popup ads on TV make me think evil thoughts. Weldon: I think evil thoughts all the time.
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| 1/12/2010 | Mom: I just learned how to make an atom bomb!
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| 12/15/2009 | Greg: Listen to this quote from a Harvard professor in 1908: "The public has greatly overestimated the possibilities of the airplane, imagining that in another generation they will be able to fly over to London in a day. This is manifestly impossible." Mom: Shows you what a Harvard education gets you.
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| 12/14/2009 | John: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xdd0edT-BeE Greg: Cute. Ewoks are still lame, though!!!!!!!!!!! John: No Way. Billy D is lame! Greg: You're just jealous because he said "You truly belong here among the clouds" to Carrie Fisher instead of you. John: OH YEAH! Well Yub Yub!
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| 9/14/2009 | Weldon: There's no such thing as an Internet. Why are you spreading such nonsense on FIDONET?
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| 8/13/2009 | Greg: Calorielab.com says at Chick-fil-a, their small unsweetend iced tea is 0 calories, their large unsweetened is 5 calories, and their medium unsweetened is 110 calories. Weldon: Well, that is because that once you drink so much and have a big enough batch in your stomach, it starts combining with things like oxygen and a medium is 110 calories. However, once you get halfway between medium and large, it goes unstable and explodes in your digestive system before you absorb it!
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| 4/23/2009 | Weldon: Korean has 13 vowels and 13 consonants, because the modern alphabet was invented by a mathematician. This is why their modern written language looks like a bunch of math symbols in triads. Greg: Sounds like he was leaking linguistics all over the place. I bet he had loose vowels.
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| 4/22/2009 | Greg: You're saying they put Taco Bell beef in Iranian oil?? Jeff: Taco bell beef IS Iranian oil!
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| 4/2/2009 | Greg: Obama should fart on live TV. Weldon: He does! It comes out of his mouth.
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| 3/23/2009 | Alex: Girls don't know how to arm or disarm a missile! Ethan: Yeah, and if you don't give them the large chocolate, they'll slap ya! Alex: Well, if they slap us, we can use our missile!
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| 3/18/2009 | Jeff: Idiot! The key to pink fusion is pink grapefruit fusion!
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| 2/20/2009 | Mom: I want to be Secretary of WAR!
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| 11/25/2008 | John Bundy: I wish I could quit you. Greg: I'm the crack cocaine of friendships. The only way out is feet first.
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| 11/24/2008 | Greg: I bet your butt doesn't have 30g of fat per serving like a hotdog does.
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| 6/26/2008 | John B.: I have a prosthetic butt because a hippo bit me in the Congo.
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| 4/17/2008 | Anonymous Coward: Right, because without any predators, Terran bacteria could easily overwhelm the Moon's indigenous...er...rock species? trongey: Now that's a scary scenario: bacteria break down all the rocks on the Moon, and all that's left is a cloud of dust orbiting the Earth. Drooling Iguana: That's basically what the Moon is already. It's just kept together due to gravity, which wouldn't switch off when you introduce the bacteria. fredrikj: Unless the bacteria eat gravity.
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| 4/20/2008 | Greg: My toilet is beeping at me!
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| 4/14/2008 | Weldon: I have a filtering proxy cache that doesn't want to block this penis enlarging pill site. Greg: That's because it's http://supersilly.com/~greg/enlarge-your-penis-pills Weldon: I get a 404 error on that. Greg: I guess you don't need the pills.
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| 4/7/2008 | Weldon: The blast wave of my fart is strong enough to slow down anyone.
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| 3/21/2008 | Soulskill: Pickens brings news that researchers from Rice University have discovered that it's possible to store hydrogen inside buckyballs... The buckyballs can contain up to 8% of their weight in hydrogen, and they are strong enough to hold it at a density that rivals the center of Jupiter. Anonymous Coward: Also for those of you more familiar with the US measurement system (rather than the SI units): The pressures we're talking about here is almost 200 million library of congresses per VW Beetle. elrous0: That's a big twinkie.
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| 3/10/2008 | Dad: The 2008 dollar is worth about as much as a wad of phlegm in a flu sufferer's handkerchief.
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| 3/7/2008 | Marlin: I'm not one to jump to conclusions, but you notice how every time Jeff takes off for a few days, people start getting shot?
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| 2/22/2008 | Greg: I knew it was love when she stopped charging me.
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| 11/30/2007 | Marlin: Water = Poop.
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| 9/24/2007 | Greg (to Mom): You are an island of tankage in a sea of squishiness!
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| 9/14/2007 | Weldon: I wonder if any truck drivers have converted their driver's seat to a toilet? (5 minutes later...) Weldon: can't find any driver toilet seat
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| 9/4/2007 | Weldon: When you see a request to blacklist someone at putzputzputz.com, you don't really need to question it.
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| 8/15/2007 |
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| 7/28/2007 | Mom: Look at the moon! Greg: It's full! Good thing I'm not a werewolf. I'm a weregeek. Wait... that doesn't make any sense. I'm a geek all the time.
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| 7/25/2007 | Jeff: I actually started eating brie because of World of Warcraft.
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| 6/12/2007 | Greg: I was just thinking last night, I need shurikens. Jeff: Who doesn't????
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| 6/9/2007 | Foxnews.com: A 17-year-old from Ireland, who was born without a jaw, is hoping that a rarely performed surgery will give him a new face to show the world. ...the surgeons will take Doherty's hipbone and ... [it will] be transplanted to [his] lower face. Greg: Taking bone from the hip? I can't help but wonder what this will do to his hip... would the bone grow back? Mom: It will grow into an anterior jaw. Greg: Better than a posterior jaw. Then folks could accuse him of being a buttface.
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| 5/21/2007 | Greg: SATA drives have poop in them? Jeff: Yup.
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| 5/14/2007 | Mom: Good reason to clean, right? Looking for a dead body.
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| 5/2/2007 | [In Allen's office while I'm helping him with a computer problem; Bill walks in.] Greg: Allen asked me how the heck do I know all this stuff. He's been married two or three times... I've never been married. So after I do this all day at work, I go home, and do it all night. Bill: Damn. Damn. <shakes head> Damn.
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| 4/11/2007 | Greg: The performance of MFM is not as good as SCSI in DOS. WHY??? Weldon: Because you have a Hoho in your drive.
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| 4/2/2007 | My boss's boss's boss, to me: Go work at McDonald's.
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| 3/30/2007 | Stephanie: There's stream of consciousness, and then there's stream of consciousness, and Virginia Woolf is neither.
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| 3/7/2007 | Jeff: Remember when Grand Theft Auto made the news because Mexicans were upset? I dont see why they didn't just add, "KILL ALL THE CRACKERS!" and have a bunch of whiteys running out. Greg: The only person to ever call me cracker, several times, was Sherry. Jeff: Cracker!
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| 1/26/2007 | Mom: Acacia wood... wasn't that the wood the Ark was made out of? Greg: I think it was gopher wood. Mom: No, the ARK! Greg: You just said Ark. Mom: NO! The OTHER Ark!
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| 12/20/2006 | (A discussion on Slashdot re: alleged power of the Sony PS3) omemomi: I say, make it calculate the last digit of pi. Anonymous Coward: Chuck Norris IS the last digit of pi. omeomi: You could just guess...you have reasonably good odds of getting it correct. I bet it's 7. Achoi77: I call dibs on 0! Pulse_Instance: You are all wrong, it is nullity. scotch: Last non-zero digit is 1 -- in base pi. camperdave: Base Pi? You're not being rational. Lane.exe: You're all going to Mathematician's Hell for this thread.
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| 12/7/2006 | Jeff: Who would have thought programming would be so exciting? it's like freaking Top Gun over here.
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| 11/20/2006 | Greg: The last 10 times or so I've bought something for my computer, I was either at Lowe's, Home Depot, or Advance Auto Parts. Tom: What would you get at an auto parts store for your computer? Greg: Hose clamps. Tom: Hose clamps? For your computer? That's sick, dude.
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| 11/13/2006 | Mom: I'll save the realms of death for another day.
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| 10/27/2006 | Greg: I wonder how you hire thugs in Mexico?
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| 9/27/2006 | Jeff: Zesty Guacamole pringles are spiced with crack.
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| 9/22/2006 | Jeff: Holy crap!! You can get peaches in a can??
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| 9/19/2006 | Greg: Kurt Vonnegut said that anyone who cannot explain what they do to an 8-year-old is a charlatan. Well, I just sent an email: Byron--I've installed a script on the EMIT production server which will automatically update the test server with the Simco update files, so if and when we need to scan for something, we can do so with current data without touching the production data....and I can feel Kurt's eyes burrowing into me! Jeff: I would just tell them I'm an astronaut!
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| 8/30/2006 | Greg: Funny Integrator request: "Need two (2) standard USB printer cables - 24 feet long." Greg: Someone needs a network printer! Jeff: Hahahaha! Jeff: "Need VPN access - or ethernet cable 5 miles long" Jeff: I dont even think you can have a usb cable that long and still be within the official usb specs. Greg: "The maximum length of a USB cable is 5 meters; greater lengths require hubs." Jeff: Haha, thought so. Greg: Still, that's roughly 15', so you could conceivably do it with 4 cables and 2 hubs for the 2 printers. Greg: gaaaayyy Jeff: "Your request has been rejected. Reason: Brokeback."
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| 8/16/2006 | Marlin: I'll read from like 10 at night until 1:30 in the morning... I can't put it down. I'm a slow reader. Greg: You like to savor it. Marlin: No, I'm a slow reader.
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